The state of attachment

Overall, things are going really well.  PB is spending more time out with the family.  She's reaching out to KC by trying to teach him Chinese.  He's enjoying the kidding with her, but then there are times she wants to do it when he's just exhausted.  She's doing better about sleeping until a semi-normal time (contrary to Jelly who wakes up before the sun!), but if she hears us at all, she will get up.  She does not like to go to bed early, but KC & I do b/c KC works early and Jelly wakes up so cotton pickin' early.  Besides, we need some time for each other.  I've told her this week that we are heading to bed around 8:30ish and if she is not tired, then she can read before she goes to sleep.  That has seemed to work, and she doesn't make quite the groan as she used to.

We've been working on English and math.  Considering she's only been with us about 6 weeks, she does pretty good with English.  Since I am not a teacher (well, not for kids anyways!), I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants.  I have a phonics/writing book that I got for Jelly a LONG time ago.  I sort of forgot I had it, and in many ways she's past it, so I pulled it out for PB.  We don't use the book as it is intended, but use it as an opportunity to spell the word for each picture as well as color, etc.  Its providing us lots of great opportunities to help her pronounce the words/letters, etc.  She really likes to work.  I also found a great website for working on math.  You can find it HERE.  You can play math games, print worksheets, complete quizzes online, etc.  Great website!

At the recommendation of the play therapist, I've gotten several family fun activities to try.  Some of them require way too many materials, but there are several that are just plain fun/good.  I'm still going through them and hope to have some we can try in the next few days while we're at home as well as this weekend to do as a family.  KC went back to work this week...and has had to work late every night this week (except Friday).  Not exactly an ideal way to "transition" into him going back to work (for any of us!).  Oh well.  Can't do much about it.

Struggles Round 1

I would be lying if I said that I was completely enamored by PB.  I realize she's only been in our family for 4 weeks, but there are times I really do not like her.  Don't get me wrong, she is amazing. And I would not blame these times I am not enamored by her on her, but take complete responsibility for the fact that I need to focus on getting to know her more and embrace OUR new family.  Overall, she is a great fit for our family.  She loves Jelly very, very much (and tells anyone who asks her--in English or Chinese).  Jelly really, really loves PB as well.  She certainly complements are family quite well.  But there are times that I think, why did we change what we had?  Life with Jelly was plenty.  PB is a  negotiator (in fact, she should consider studying law!).  And its constant negotiation.  Constant.  It could be bedtime, how long she talks to her friends, when she takes a shower, what she can eat (and how much!) or any other host of possibilities.  It becomes exhausting at times.

One area that we started working on over the past few days is food.  I don't recall it being much of an issue in China, but once we got home she began overeating.  I'm not just talking about occasionally binging on a food.  I mean eating 2 whole sandwiches (complete with 4 pieces of bread, turkey, cheese and peanut butter) in addition to rice or noodles or whatever we are having.  The girl is not THAT big.  Seriously.  There is no way that she can eat 2 grill cheese sandwiches, a ton of watermelon, some strawberries and juice for one meal.  She was doing this 2-3 meals a day.  I don't know how her stomach did not hurt all the time.  At first, we took the approach of her not feeling like we were restricting her access to food and letting her eat whatever she wanted.  But, as it became apparent after being home for a week that she was going to keep doing this, we talked to both our play therapist and a social worker from the agency.  Both suggested we control how much we make (such as 4 sandwiches for 4 people) and simply say, everyone is only having 1 sandwich.  However, if you are still hungry you can have...(for us it was: apple, carrots, or whatever fresh veggies we had on hand).  The first few times I implemented this approach, she went to KC and asked if she could have another sandwich since she did not like my answer.

Another problem we have is patience.  PB can be very demanding.  Very.very.very demanding.  When she wants something, she wants it N.O.W.  Case in point: she told me Monday night she wanted a haircut (aka take me to get a haircut right now).  I told her that we could not go Tuesday and I was not sure if we could on Wednesday (as I had 2 appointments--1 for her and 1 for JB).  I cannot even count the number of times she asked when she was getting her haircut today (Wednesday).  This week is the last week that KC is home on leave.  Consequently, we've scheduled a million appointments for this week.  So, Thursday we again have 2 appointments.  I keep telling her that maybe we can go in the morning, and she does not like the word "maybe".  She wants DEFINITE plans.  Well, my definite plans would be that she would have to wait until next week or she can have KC take her.  She's made it clear that she wants me to take her.  So, she must wait.  We had this same waiting problem when we were traveling as well.  I knew she'd be hungry on the plane, but she refused to eat before we got on the plane "because she was not hungry".  Just as I suspected, she turned to me an hour before landing saying "I'm hungry."  There was not one thing I could do...she just had to wait.  Let me again say...she HATES waiting. 

Overall, PB is doing well (especially considering we've had her less than a month and she's only been home 2 weeks).  We're adjusting to the changes.  We've had some rough patches...but we've had some fun, too.  She truly has joy and we'll be fine.  But some days...and at some points...

Introducing Peanut Butter

We got PB when she was over 13 yrs old.  She came to us in late April 2011 and has only been home for about a month.  PB is very outgoing.  Even while still in China, people always commented on her being extroverted and not being afraid to talk to people.  She is also very social.  She has a long list of friends that she regularly wants to communicate with that she knew (or knows) from the orphanage.  Some of these friends are still left at the orphanage while others have forever families.  She seems to have a soft heart for those that have some special needs.  She knows Chinese sign language because one of her friends at the orphanage used it to communicate.  She seems to have no fears at least socially.  She seems comfortable in any social situation--even when she does not know anyone at the beginning.  While in China, she was not afraid to order for us when we were in a restaurant that only spoke Chinese.  In fact, on one occasion, she had ordered a fish that was taking far too long to arrive.  We were both full with the other things that she had ordered, so she called the waitress over to see how much longer it would before the fish would be done.  I gathered it was going to be a while, so she told them not to bring it to us.  We paid for the other things we had gotten and were on our way.

She constantly impresses me with her social abilities.  Now, this boldness has a negative side.  At Jelly's 4th birthday party, PB decided that she did not like one of Jelly's friends.  She repeatedly (and loudly) told me that she did not like this little girl.  In fact, this little girl's mom is one of my very good friends.  She even said it loudly in front of the little girl and her mom.  When we got home, she continued to rehash how much she did not like this little girl.  KC told her the little girl was tired which made her behave that way.  He repeated it every time she commented on how she did not like this little girl.  Another case was when we went to the doctor.  The doctor spoke Chinese, but was Japanese.  I guess she asked the doctor if she was Chinese.  When she said Japanese, PB said "I no like Japanese." She then repeated it over and over (both in and out of the doctor's presence).  Clearly this is something we need to work on!