Play therapy

Jelly's play therapist is amazing!  We really, really love her.  She's been a life saver for us since our social workers and case managers suck.  Seriously.  S-U-C-K.  bad.  While Jelly was at her session this week, PB & I were working on other things.  This particular time she said she wanted to bring her art with her to work on while Jelly was playing.  I was working on some other stuff, and didn't really notice what she was doing.  I got done before she did, and looked at this picture she was drawing.  I knew immediately that it was her drawing of our family, but I asked her what was on her picture.  She said it was our family.  I asked her who the different people were...KC, Jelly, me with her laying under us.  I asked her why she was down there, and she said because she taking the picture and had to get in quickly.  So, I asked her to show the play therapist the beautiful picture she had drawn.

 At first, she was kind of shy about it, but as she continued to receive assurance that everything was good (and it is!  She's an amazing artist!), she proudly showed the pictures.  The play therapist noticed a few things about the picture (besides the obvious that she does not feel like she fits into our family).  She noticed the eyes for me and PB were both open...that she longed for my approval and to become more connected to me.  How interesting.  That's one of the things I struggle with the most.  Not that I don't accept her or don't want to be connected with her, but some days I have to work VERY HARD to feel that way. In fact, some days I have to preach to myself (as our pastor calls it).  I have to give myself a good talking to, that yes, I do love her...yes, I do want her to be my daughter...yes, she is a gift...yes, she is amazing...yes, she is God's gift to us...no, I did not ruin my family...yes, she is struggling to find her place...yes, I want to spend time with her...etc.  Some days its really hard...but I've come to realize that I truly love her...that I want her to feel the love and acceptance of a mom like she's never had before.  But, some days when she's pushed all my buttons..and Jelly's been mistreated (unnecessarily and unfairly), it is VERY hard. I do love her...I am glad she's my daughter...I am blessed.  (repeat)